should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
sex in a hospital.. check
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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