It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
