After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
