Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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