there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
