I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
this just has baby written all over it
nutella sex= disaster
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
