i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
