i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
