I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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