Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
