well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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