Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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