I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who died my cat blue again?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
