i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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