Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
