thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
