I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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