I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
