well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
