I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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