Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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