heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
