Is it normal to miss your booty call?
4 words: hood of his car
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
