The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
