I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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