don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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