Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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