I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
