apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
