Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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