my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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