good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
