Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
