I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
