Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
