Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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