Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize