it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This is the high leading the old right now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
