I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
