yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
