he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
