"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize