He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Randomize
