"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
