I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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