I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
