remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
