remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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