I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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