the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
