and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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