you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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