your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize