Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
