he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
