I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
