He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
