When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
